July 8, year unknown

the smell of smoke surrounds me. the fire flickers and cracks. the logs jump and pop as if they were little elves at a party dancing. my brother sits across from me, holding a stick into the fire upon which he is currently burning a marshmallow. my mother and aunt bustle around the picnic table, clinking and clanking cutlery and pots. Spaghetti.



"ryan will you please come clean the scrabble game off the table? dinner's almost ready" mom scolds him. he looks at her, and returns his long, affixed stare on the flames. "Now!" she demands raising her voice. he climbs out of his chair, throwing the stick and marshmallow into the fire and to their doom.

i sit in my chair with my knees to my chest. silently watching. mathew dazes off alongside me -his brown curls resting on the hard, white plastic of the chair engulfing him. tianna walks over to him and places a hand gently on his shoulder, "wake up sweetie, dinnertime" his eyes crack open and he rubs the side of his face with his tiny toddler hands. his mouth spreads in a yawn. she makes her way back to the table, and momentarily returns with a plate of food for him.


he looks down at the noodles on his plate, "i want bread!" tianna looks at him over her shoulder, "mathew, please, just eat your noodles. i didnt give you any sauce."

"i want bread" he chants in an irritated tone. the fire explodes loudly in a pop and a crack and embers float into the night sky. i follow the glowing ashes as they dissipate into the mess of tree-limbs. out of the corner of my eye i see one land on the drying line where my bathing suit is hung. ryan slams the scrabble case onto the top of a cooler. the gas clicks off as my mom turns off the stove and the sauce continues to bubble. laughter echoes in the distance as music blares from car speakers. my eyes memorize the shambles of my family.